Betcha can't eat just one...

No shit. That's why I'm here. I'm quite a bit smaller than I was but it is a daily struggle. Like today, while eating my delicious Lean Cuisine, a show was featuring Crispy Cream Donuts. Fresh donuts. Warm donuts. Needless to say I wanted to lick the tv. Thankfully I was able to control myself. Small victories.
Becki 1...Donuts 0.

Really?

Do you know what I can't stand almost as much as fat cells? People who pick apart your diet. Don't get me wrong, if you are talking about diets with another person on a diet all is good. The tips flying back and forth could be good. It might actually help your diet. I'm talking about the person that has never been on a diet a day in her life. The person that wears size 0 and logged her food for one day, just for fun, and learned she consumes close to 3000 calories. I don't need to know that you swear eating cookies and donuts keeps you thin. I get it. We're all different. That freaking donut that you inhaled, that you will burn off by sneezing, would go straight to my butt. Immediately. I'm ok with that. I know my limits, and I know what works for me. So the next time you offer a large hot chocolate with extra cream and a muffin the size of my head, don't ask me three times if I'm sure. I'm sure.

Do you know what I can't stand almost as much as a muffin top? Diet haters. This is the person that is so jealous of your success that she finds ways to put you down. You can tell if a person is a diet hater, if you tell them you've lost 33 pounds and they say "Really? I guess I can tell....a little."  You should walk away from this person as quick as you can and ignore every word they said. If this said person is a friend..know they are not a good friend. Just don't let a diet hater get you down. Jealousy fuels nasty in a lot of people.

That's it for today.....I think.

Motivation

My motivation board...right above my treadmill.

I've been asked:

-are you losing weight so you can leave your husband?

-are you losing weight because you husband wants you to?

-why are you so motivated? There HAS to be a reason.

Holy shit people are rude. First and foremost I'm losing weight for ME. Plain old me, because honestly I want to be a hot mama again. My hot fat mess days are over. I can't believe people would assume I'm losing weight so I can find another man, or because my husband wants me to. I'm sure the hubby wants the hot mama MILF wife instead of the hot mess MILTNELA (mother I'd like to not even look at) that I was. Was I that bad? No. But I sure as hell felt like I was.

So where am I? Freaking 3 pounds from my first goal- to lose 30 pounds by New Years Day. 3 pounds. I want that 3 pound loss so bad. I might actually cry if I make it. I've lost 3 pounds in a week a few times, but since I started this diet October 1st, I've been a pretty steady 2 pounds a week..with a couple 1 pound losses thrown in. Ugh I might cry if I only lose 1 pound this week. Looks like either way I'll be crying.

So where do I want to be? I want to lose the last 18 pounds to my goal weight. I want to be muscular. I want to run a half marathon. I will do all these things. I will make a certain someone eat her words too.

So really....my motivation is this:

-to never have a muffin top again.

-to never have my fat thighs rub together again.

-to never be called a fat wife again (these are the words that will be eaten..and no hubby didn't say this!)

-to never have a fupa.

-to never ever ever have fat pants again.

There. That's my motivation.



Fail. Big Epic Fail.

I am a little embarrassed to admit this...but I haven't posted on this blog since March. Ya know, my first attempt at getting back into shape. Well...that was a big epic fail. Then my motivation was Kazapalooza. I couldn't imagine getting into a bathing suit and meeting all my Kaz buddies. What did I do? I got a big ole horrible bathing suit and tried not to think about it. I survived. Just barely. Well not just barely because if it was just barely I would have got on the diet train as soon as we got home. Which....I didn't do.
What did I do?
-ate alot of Chipotle
-ate alot of subway cookies
-ate alot pancakes. Damn you Bob Evans.
-ate quite a bit of candy. Mallow Cups are my weakness.
-ate huge portions. Think Shrek sized. Yes, I'm so ashamed.
-ate some serious fast food. Really fast.

So fast forward to the end of September.
What did I do?
-haven't had Chipotle. Not even once.
-haven't had a cookie.
-haven't went to Bob Evans at all. I do miss the pancakes though.
-the only candy I've had is a fun size York Peppermint Patty. 50 calories.
-the portion police have paid a visit. I had a huge fine. Like 30 pounds.
-no fast food. None.
-and I gave up meat. Best thing I ever did. Not even kidding.

So what am I doing?
-running on the treadmill.
-P90X
-Turbo Fire
-weights
-1200 calories a day diet
-My Fitness Pal on my phone
-lots of motivation

Where am I?
-20 pounds lost
-2 jeans sizes down
-several inches off various parts of my body

Who's with me?

The new me

Well I'm here. I'm to the point where I want to be back to my goal weight and I'm looking forward to it. I was there, several years ago. Before the world's most stressful adoption. Well, the kiddo is home, and I'm ready to be back in my smaller clothes.
I've done it once, and I'm more than sure I can do it again. With P90X and my treadmill, and a good healthy diet I'll be there in no time. So this blog is my journal of sorts. I have found that I'm more accountable for myself when I'm actually writing it down. So. Here. We. Go.