Motivation

My motivation board...right above my treadmill.

I've been asked:

-are you losing weight so you can leave your husband?

-are you losing weight because you husband wants you to?

-why are you so motivated? There HAS to be a reason.

Holy shit people are rude. First and foremost I'm losing weight for ME. Plain old me, because honestly I want to be a hot mama again. My hot fat mess days are over. I can't believe people would assume I'm losing weight so I can find another man, or because my husband wants me to. I'm sure the hubby wants the hot mama MILF wife instead of the hot mess MILTNELA (mother I'd like to not even look at) that I was. Was I that bad? No. But I sure as hell felt like I was.

So where am I? Freaking 3 pounds from my first goal- to lose 30 pounds by New Years Day. 3 pounds. I want that 3 pound loss so bad. I might actually cry if I make it. I've lost 3 pounds in a week a few times, but since I started this diet October 1st, I've been a pretty steady 2 pounds a week..with a couple 1 pound losses thrown in. Ugh I might cry if I only lose 1 pound this week. Looks like either way I'll be crying.

So where do I want to be? I want to lose the last 18 pounds to my goal weight. I want to be muscular. I want to run a half marathon. I will do all these things. I will make a certain someone eat her words too.

So really....my motivation is this:

-to never have a muffin top again.

-to never have my fat thighs rub together again.

-to never be called a fat wife again (these are the words that will be eaten..and no hubby didn't say this!)

-to never have a fupa.

-to never ever ever have fat pants again.

There. That's my motivation.



Fail. Big Epic Fail.

I am a little embarrassed to admit this...but I haven't posted on this blog since March. Ya know, my first attempt at getting back into shape. Well...that was a big epic fail. Then my motivation was Kazapalooza. I couldn't imagine getting into a bathing suit and meeting all my Kaz buddies. What did I do? I got a big ole horrible bathing suit and tried not to think about it. I survived. Just barely. Well not just barely because if it was just barely I would have got on the diet train as soon as we got home. Which....I didn't do.
What did I do?
-ate alot of Chipotle
-ate alot of subway cookies
-ate alot pancakes. Damn you Bob Evans.
-ate quite a bit of candy. Mallow Cups are my weakness.
-ate huge portions. Think Shrek sized. Yes, I'm so ashamed.
-ate some serious fast food. Really fast.

So fast forward to the end of September.
What did I do?
-haven't had Chipotle. Not even once.
-haven't had a cookie.
-haven't went to Bob Evans at all. I do miss the pancakes though.
-the only candy I've had is a fun size York Peppermint Patty. 50 calories.
-the portion police have paid a visit. I had a huge fine. Like 30 pounds.
-no fast food. None.
-and I gave up meat. Best thing I ever did. Not even kidding.

So what am I doing?
-running on the treadmill.
-P90X
-Turbo Fire
-weights
-1200 calories a day diet
-My Fitness Pal on my phone
-lots of motivation

Where am I?
-20 pounds lost
-2 jeans sizes down
-several inches off various parts of my body

Who's with me?

The new me

Well I'm here. I'm to the point where I want to be back to my goal weight and I'm looking forward to it. I was there, several years ago. Before the world's most stressful adoption. Well, the kiddo is home, and I'm ready to be back in my smaller clothes.
I've done it once, and I'm more than sure I can do it again. With P90X and my treadmill, and a good healthy diet I'll be there in no time. So this blog is my journal of sorts. I have found that I'm more accountable for myself when I'm actually writing it down. So. Here. We. Go.